Hablando de lo que pica el gallo…formando un arroz con mango.
Miami-Dade County should place signs in front of all Sedanos Supermarkets that read: WARNING – Young females are subject to verbal sexual harassment within 500 yards of the premises. Coño, maybe the entire county should place signs in any highly Cuban populated area where older men like to gather. Anyway, there’s no escaping the pick-up lines or comments when entering the doors of a Sedanos. If you have legs and boobs (they don’t have to be big) and are even the slightest degree presentable, you’re going to get hit on, there’s no doubt about it.
Saturday’s late-night outing to a 24-hour Sedanos was no different. What are two young girls doing at a Sedanos at midnight? Buying gouda and manchego cheese, cantipalo, y vino to pass the time and do what we do best: Hablar mier… um… lo que pica el gallo.
Upon walking past the automatic doors where a man stood on a ladder fixing something on the cieling above, we were greeted by a mid-aged security guard and a Sedanos employee. “No te preocupen, que si se cae, no cae arriba de ustedes” and then he continued on saying something remotely close to a compliment in hopes to catch our attention. Knowing better, we continued with the conversation amongst ourselves and barely acknowledged them. We made our way through the isles illuminated by fluorescent light (I really do hate la luce fría and I don’t know how Publix does it but that look that most Sedanos in Miami have makes it look more like a duplex in Little Havana than an actual supermarket.)
After stopping in the wine isle, we ventured off to the open freezers to browse through there limited selection of imported cheeses and meats, where we encountered two men checking us out before we even walked past them. Speaking loudly amongst each other about un amigo being “tremendo tarru,” I took the mental note, only to explain to Lauren later that while they were talking about el tarru, ellos son lo tipos que pegan tarros left and right. They continued walking and found us at the register minutes later.
Now I’ve come to my own conclusion that although I think quicker and a lot more cunningly in English than I do in Spanish, I can still stand my own grounds when it comes time to being a smart ass. But I’ve learned a deal of things from all my adventures in places like Sedanos. Answering to a Balsero’s comment, whether it be in a fiesty tone, whole heartedly or even jokingly only opens the door for a Cuban man to continue to hit on you, regardless your age, size or even if you are with mami or papi. So while me hacia la mosquita muerta y la que no los oía the shorter man standing behind me with his 12 pack of beer said “Mira las, de parry y parry fino, con su vinito y su quesito.” I didnt bother to turn to him, knowing eye contact would only trigger another comment. So instead I diverted my attention to la cajera, who at this point rang a few of my items together with Lauren’s. Lauren said it was fine and I in turn answered, “No te preocupes.” Shoot, there went my plan of pretending I didn’t speak Spanish.
“Mira, si quieres le puedes cobrar mis cosas con las de ella. Ella lo paga.” My brain rambled with all the possible things I could tell him, but my better judgment had me glance at him sideways and instead, frei unos huevos. The comments that would’ve followed had I answered them would’ve been endless. I barely looked at Lauren who I could tell was eyeing my curiously as I rolled my own eyes, hoping the men would notice my annoyance. Before either of them could come up with anything else to say, I took my receipt and fled the scene. Now one might consider this rude, but standing in line and feeling as if you are being devoured in the heads of these men, any girl con dos dedos de frente would run faster than a cucaracha trying to survive the beating from una chancleta.
The next day, in broad daylight, I would be another victim of the Cuban male sport of disparando piropos. The occurrences are endless and for the most part timeless and I often wonder if anyone of these ridiculous attempts at approaching a significantly younger woman has ever worked for any of these viejos. La proxima ves, the encounter will be video-taped in hopes that Dade-County will consider posting the warning signs.